An autodidact speaks

"I guess misogyny is bigotry that's been acceptable for hundreds of years."

“This past May was the first time I ever saw a sweep of the women’s podium by trans-identifying males and I went home and cried. No one blinked an eye. I was the only one who noticed, apparently. I can't say anything publicly on Instagram—I’ll get burned at the stake. But I did ask a few people personally, Did you notice that? At first, it was like, what do they care, but when I explained it, people would say, Oh that's not fair. Everyone was waiting for someone else to notice. They don’t want to be labeled a bigot. I’ve questioned myself!”

Sonia Serba described the 2024 Mayday alleycat race in Toronto, one she’d chosen to sit out. Serba worked as a bike messenger from 2003 to 2015, and has competed in underground street bike races, called alleycats, since 2005. “I’ve won the female category in every race but three in that time—in two of them, my competitor was disqualified, and in one, I just really sucked.” Serba is a proud member of the self-identified tribe of outcasts that comprise the bike messenger community, figuring prominently in this documentary about the bike courier scene in Toronto. 

But lately her fierce feminism and free-thinking bent have made her an outcast among outcasts. After the all-male podium at Mayday, Serba decided to throw an all-female alleycat called Pussycat. “I’ve decided to throw caution to the wind and go full TERF.”

Forty-six and a lifelong feminist…okay, no, that doesn’t capture a woman who has been on her own since she was “kicked out of the house at age 14.” Serba is The Red Sonia, the 1970s comic book character she’s chosen as her avatar. “She’s the female Conan. She drinks a lot, she’s mouthy, she wears a chainmail bikini, She Devil With a Sword, she’s got attitude. She’s a fuckin’ mercenary.” 

In 2014, Serba crashed her bike, totally wasted at the time, broke five ribs and separated her shoulder. She quit smoking, messengering, and drinking, got a diploma and a new job, and has been sober ever since. She keeps riding because she likes it and she’s fast. For the last three years she’s been a seamstress, a sewing machine operator, “it’s literally a sweatshop,” the upside being that she’s working for a friend and can use time in front of the sewing machine to listen to podcasts, to educate herself. She’s an autodidact, with a “nerd crush” on the likes of journalist Chris Hedges, philosopher Dr. Cornel West, and Harvard economics professor Roland Fryer, and a soft spot for conspiracy theories. To a point.

Since she peaked about seven years ago, her gender ideology education has included interviews with Julie Bindel, Kathleen Stock, Helen Joyce, Kellie Jay Keane, Deborah Soh, Colin Wright, Douglas Murray, Andrew Doyle, and Gender: A Wider Lens. She’s read Material Girls [Kathleen Stock] and Linda Blade and Barbara Kay’s Unsporting. “I’ve become fascinated with the topic because it’s so insane, yet so many people have bought into it. Postmodernism is stupid.”

We had a wide-ranging phone conversation, edited for length. If you don’t have time to enjoy the full adult dose that is Sonia Serba, skip to the very last paragraph.

The Female Category: You mentioned you peaked about seven years ago. Was that a single incident, or gradual?

Sonia Serba: The first time was seeing podium photos of at an alleycat in New York City in 2014. The top women’s prize went to a dude, and the other two girls were just kind of looking at each other. I thought, this is off.  Bike messengers are freaks and weirdos and that attracts a certain personality type—trans fits in with that. But yeah, I was gaslighting myself, repeating all the lines—they’re vulnerable, they’re oppressed, they’ll commit suicide if they’re not affirmed. Then I was having a conversation with a friend of mine, sometime between 2017 and 2019, and he was like, Do you honestly think some dude who thinks he’s a female is as vulnerable as women? Women are getting killed and beaten up every day. Do you honestly think that’s a fair comparison? I was pissed, and was like, how dare you say that. But it got me thinking.  Before that, I went to fashion school and there was a trans woman there. I found it really hard to work with the pronouns, and I always apologized. But looking back, I think, you can't make me see what you want me to see. I don’t see a woman, I don’t see a different kind of woman, I see a different kind of man, and there’s nothing wrong with that. 

So I started researching gender ideology. And yeah, I’ve looked into queer theory. Judith Butler is a charlatan; she’s a stupid person's idea of what a smart person should sound like. I have this friend, he has a doctorate, and that became our topic—we’ll watch a lecture on Youtube and have a discussion and try to break down what this ideology means. I found out about how male puberty causes permanent changes like larger heart, larger lungs, Q angle, and shit like that. That’s reality. I’ve been working at that garment factory for three years; that’s three years of research about how this ideology is problematic, how it can lead to harm.

TFC: Have you seen physical differences in alleycat racing?

SS: I did an alleycat last year and I won overall but that’s rare. It took me 20 years to win overall. Mostly I’ve been first female, or fourth overall. The last time a female won overall was ten years ago, and then ten years before that, and those women went pro they were so fast. Most of the men that win were on a bender the whole week and had a cheeseburger before the race because that’s how males race an alleycat. I get nervous, I watch my diet, watch my form. I take it seriously. 

TFC: So, you had face-to-face interaction with the trans-identified man who won the women’s division of the Mayday alleycat. What was that like?

SS: This person is cool, I have nothing against them, in fact I quite like them. I said, I don’t believe in your religion but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve human respect and dignity. We had a respectful discussion. They said they were sad because I don’t see them as they want me to, as a “femme person”, but I told them, you’re femme as fuck! Who cares what other people think or see? My opinion doesn’t matter. They said that me excluding trans women from my Pussycat race feels like a slap in the face. I told them that erasing females from the podium at Mayday felt like a slap in the face. They told me that using the word “female” is disrespectful and I said, gently, that I don’t care, it’s a word that describes a thing. 

I’m not afraid of saying this shit. The internet says we have to hate each other, but there’s a way through that doesn’t have to be punching TERFs. A lot of people get confused because Instagram looks like real life. Males hate women who say no and don't back down, and women know that saying no and sticking to it can end up really bad, like violent bad. I’m not afraid of an SUV—what's a person going to do? There are things I’m afraid of, but physical violence is not it. If you approach the situation with compassion and respect maybe we can find a way. I believe in people. Everyone I talk with agrees with where I’m coming from—that’s a start. I’m positive there's somewhere we can go from here that will allow women their safeguarding and dignity, but gender ideology is like a competing religion. Gender ideology says trans women are a different kind of woman but I say a trans woman is a different kind of man, and that's okay. I can accept someone in that situation. 

TFC: Talk to me about alleycat categories—male/open and women/trans/femme. That sounds like anyone could be in either category, so why have categories?

SS: I tried to explain this to a friend, and he was, like, wait, what? I think these were set at the Cycle Messenger World Championships in 2016 as a way to be more “inclusive.” They might have made the male/open category for the rare instances when a woman is the overall winner, but the women/trans/femme is nonsense. We are not celebrating female excellence, we’re validating male identity. Somehow in pushing “inclusivity,” we’ve come to a point where there’s a very real chance that females aren’t included on a podium at all. I’m trying to explain embodied reality but I’m getting fucking shut down.

TFC: You’ve had other women tell you women should just try harder? 

SS: Yeah, this woman who said that is my age; she’s married, has kids. People will often use an outlier, a supremely talented woman, as an example that trans-identified males and women are the same. Women are socialized to comfort people, to put others above ourselves, nurturing to our own detriment. Women have this internalized misogyny. For example, there is no male equivalent of a karen. Any woman with valid concerns could be labeled a karen. Girls don’t want to be canceled or cast out because it’s cool to be accepted in a community. I’m not afraid of being cast out. This time I’m willing to go through it.

TFC: Why do you think you’ve peaked and other women in the messenger community have not?

SS: [laughs] My love of conspiracy theories! I have an academic mind but have only had the opportunity for vocational school. Dissecting this ideology is absolutely fascinating. The whole thing is predicated on a house of cards—a trans woman is a woman. Once you get rid of that, there’s nothing there, no argument. I even gave flat earth a chance, but same thing—you can use math to prove it wrong. Queer theory is supposed to give norms the finger, but some of those norms are for safeguarding. I’m fine with femme boys subverting stereotypes, but don’t disrespect women’s boundaries. Those fucking academics piss me off. This philosophy [gender ideology] was born in an academic classroom by people who never thought about women on the street, then the internet grabbed it and it’s just swallowed by people who don't research it. Gender ideology is Q Anon for woke people.

TFC: What’s happening with your all-women’s alleycat?

SS: I thought female was clear enough, but I had to put AFAB [assigned female at birth] on the website, much as I hate that term. The small but vocal trans bullies in the city have brigaded the one sponsor I announced and made them pull out. Not only that, when I called a meeting with the [sponsor], they tried to get me to open the race to males. No one saw a problem with this, just as no one seemed to see a problem with males sweeping the women’s podium. They’re concerned about the optics. Canada changed the laws so gender identity is enshrined in law, so to acknowledge sex-based rights then you’re a “transphobe" and a “bigot". Activists were calling my race transphobic. As a male, it's tough to stick your neck out for women, and in this case, this bike shop is in a neighborhood with a lot of funk. I don't want their customer base to suffer. Pulling out was a business decision—I don't hold that against them. But it sucks to be hated. Let's be real— standing up for what you believe in is important. If feminism is transphobic, you’ve got to ask yourself what a pro trans stance is. I guess misogyny is bigotry that's been acceptable for hundreds of years. What are those girls just starting out going to think? Are they going to race? Are they going to sign up? Women are getting the real short end of the stick. If I can help, then I’ll do it. I’ve never been constrained by my femaleness. I've always been the type of woman who wants to inspire women, not abandon them. 

[As we parted, Serba had some final thoughts]

SS: I have compassion for trans people. I understand mental health issues, I have C-PTSD and my family suffers from mental health issues too. I understand body image issues, but you can't be imposing this shit on people and you can't make people see you how you want to be seen. There’s got to be respect both ways, and I don't feel respect toward women. Everything is being asked of women, but nothing is being compromised for women. We’re supposed to lay down and take it—that ain't me. I don’t want people to think I hate anyone, but you gotta understand where women are coming from, man. It’s okay to embrace your bodily reality. I accept you as a human being; I don't accept you as the sex you think you are. Sorry about that. We’re all just ghosts stuck in these meat machines, but the meat machine is the reality.

I was also thinking in the last couple days about “born in the wrong body.” I mean, imagine having lungs that spazz the fuck out from time to time and try to kill you [Serba has asthma]. How’s that for the wrong body, eh? Or being born paralyzed, or with brain damage, heart disease, or something like that. Imagine having to accept that as the meat machine your ghost is trapped in. No matter how you medicalize it, you have to accept it as it is. That’s life.